The Other Side of Same-Sex Marriage and LGBT Mormon Support

By Joshua Butler

To straight Latter-day Saints who, though with good intentions, choose to publicly support gay marriage:

While I never thought I’d speak about this in such a public forum, there are far too many faithful LGBT members in the Church who, for various reasons, remain quiet on this subject. If I may be so presumptuous as to speak for a significant but generally silent segment of this population, I’d like to express some of our pains regarding some LDS church members’ support of gay marriage. You mean well, and do your best to show love to LGBT individuals, but for many of us it can seem like you’ve ignored your LGBT brothers and sisters within the Church who are striving to follow the doctrinal teachings of the Church, in exclusive favor of supporting those within and without who pursue same-sex relationships.

It hurts when—on those days we need additional strength to keep our covenants—our brothers and sisters in Christ flood our feeds with symbols of lifestyle choices and beliefs we’ve covenanted to forsake. It hurts when people who don’t experience same-sex attraction take lightly the prophetic council that affects our lives and the thorn in our side. It hurts when we seek for strength from Church members, only to hear some members who either denigrate our choices to strive to remain true to our covenants or who invite us away from the counsel of the Lord’s anointed. It hurts when Church members help Satan whisper in our ears: “See, even members who don’t experience these feelings can see that Church leaders are misguided and outdated.”

It hurts when people we love try to show their love for us by supporting the voices that strive to undermine our eternal happiness with our Father in Heaven. For those who are open about their same-sex attraction, it hurts when friends who do not experience same-sex attraction side with those opposing Church doctrine and policy rather than seeking understanding from the words of living prophets and from their LGBT brothers and sisters within the Church. It hurts immensely when friends—friends who we’ve aided in their experience with same-sex attraction—get pulled away from integrity to their covenants by the influence of active members that should be aiding them, strengthening their faith, and binding them to Christ.

Faithful LGBT members of the Church need Christ-like love and acceptance too. We need Church members who flood social media with reminders of the blessings of temples and the promise of eternal families. We need fellow disciples who mourn with us, as we mourn the increasingly heavy pull of the cultural currents that would draw us away from our covenants, and who comfort us with the assurances of God’s promises to the faithful. We need friends who show us by example the joy of celestial marriage and family by welcoming us into their hearts and homes.

We need friends who are sensitive to our feelings and experiences and seek to strengthen us in making and keeping sacred covenants. We need Church members who seek to cement our faith in the prophets and apostles. We need Church members who will be brave and support unpopular doctrines set forth by the prophets and apostles, not out of blind faith or bigoted arrogance, but out of pure testimony, eternal perspective, and genuine concern for those affected. We need fellow disciples who acknowledge that they don’t understand our burden, but who seek to do so in order to better bear it with us.

We love our Savior and His gospel. We love His Church and its members. We stand eternally grateful for all the support we receive in keeping our covenants and maintaining our name and place in the Lord’s kingdom.

Read the article at: http://ldslights.org/the-other-side-of-same-sex-marriage-and-lgbt-mormon-support/

How Will Children Know the Truth About Marriage If We Don’t Teach Them?

By Wendy Asay · May 10, 2015

A few months ago an LDS stake high councilor was attending a class with the young women in a ward he was visiting. They were discussing same-sex attraction and gay marriage. The Young Women leaders were being very tentative and vague as they discussed the topic because they were concerned about offending one particular young woman. The high counselor watched as the young women grew more and more conflicted and confused. Finally he spoke up and stated, “Let me clarify some things for you . . .” He went on to explain clearly and unapologetically that while having same-sex attraction is not a sin, acting on it is. He told them “Sin is sin, and is unacceptable in the eyes of God.” When he finished one of the young women spoke up and thanked him. She told him that the youth are getting so many confusing messages about same-sex attraction and gay marriage that it has become a real challenge for them. She told him that as he was speaking, the Spirit confirmed the truth of what he said to her.

Teaching Our Children

They need to know how society’s definitions of “fairness,” “tolerance,” and “equality” relate to Christ’s teachings about love.

Today’s youth are confronted with many conflicting messages about same-sex attraction and gay marriage. What they hear from music, the media, and from school doesn’t always mesh with what they are being taught in Church. This can leave them feeling confused and even angry. As parents, we have the responsibility to guide them through their confusion. They need help sorting through activist’s claims about same-sex attraction. They need to know how society’s definitions of “fairness,” “tolerance,” and “equality” relate to Christ’s teachings about love. They also need to understand the impact gay marriage will have on individuals, families, and society. If we fail to teach our children why natural marriage and family are essential, they will only hear what the world is saying to them. They need to hear our voices. The Spirit can only testify of the truth to them if they hear it.

One family’s commitment to be more proactive in teaching their children was sparked when their teen-aged son came to them with concerns about conversations he had had with friends at school. They had been discussing political issues of the day, including gay marriage. The parents hadn’t personally faced many of the questions their son asked and didn’t know how to answer. They had questions of their own regarding gay marriage such as: What harm would it be to legally recognize these relationships? What are the consequences to society of the gay rights agenda? Don’t same sex attracted people also deserve to be in a relationship that brings them happiness? What is marriage and why does it matter to society?

The parents began a concerted effort to learn what they could about the issues. They read books and attended events that focused on the family. Then they organized a series of family home evenings with their extended family (eight families in all) to teach their children the new-found information. During the meetings they addressed different issues relating to same-sex attraction and gay marriage using The Family: A Proclamation to the World as their guide.

The experience was life changing for them. They had no idea how emotional the discussions would be for their children who were dealing with the issue every day. Most of their children knew someone who was struggling with their personal identity and they were bothered by thoughtless and insensitive comments directed at them. The teenagers and college students had strong opinions and asked challenging questions as they sought help in dealing with their own personal confusion. As the lessons progressed the parents grew in knowledge and confidence in addressing the difficult issues. They were able to help their children come to terms with the issues and internalize truths espoused in the proclamation on the family.

Responding to Activists’ Claims

Gay activists make many convincing claims regarding same-sex attraction. We can help our youth discern the truth regarding those claims by giving them solid information and reasoned arguments from secular as well as religious sources. There is a large and growing body of research that affirms the value of man/woman marriage and natural families. Beyond that there is a host of clearly articulated essays that lay out the social, cultural and legal reasons for supporting traditional marriage. These resources can help us form strong rational arguments that can guide our youth to greater understanding.

Read the entire article at: http://ldsmag.com/how-will-children-know-the-truth-about-marriage-if-we-dont-teach-them/#

In Argentina, Apostle Says Religious Freedom Is Everyone's Concern

The religious and irreligious should stand together to defend matters of conscience

BUENOS AIRES — 

A leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints told the Argentine Council for International Relations (CARI) today that religious freedom is not just the concern of religious persons.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, one of the Twelve Apostles for the church based in the United States, said nonbelievers also have a strong interest in religious freedom because the protection of conscience "helps people from a wide spectrum of beliefs feel assured that their deepest concerns and values are respected and protected."

With the assistance of an interpreter, Elder Oaks — a former Utah Supreme Court justice who has spoken publicly many times in defense of religious freedom — told the international audience that the current weakening of guarantees of the free exercise of religion are attributable to changes in culture rather than legal decisions. He also reemphasized that religious teachings and actions of believers deserve special legal protections because of their significant contributions to society.

Elder Oaks referred specifically to an "increasingly godless and amoral society” in many places around the world that embraces moral relativism and denies or downplays God or any sort of absolute right or wrong.

"This glorifying of human reasoning has had good effects and bad," Elder Oaks told CARI. "The work of science has made innumerable improvements in our lives, but it has also contributed to the rejection of divine authority as the ultimate basis of right and wrong by those who have substituted science for God. In contrast, many religious people are now asking why the viewpoints of any of the brilliant philosophers of the liberal tradition should be thought more relevant to moral decisions than the will of God."

The value of God and religion is evident in the many moral advances in Western society that "have been motivated by religious principles and persuaded to official adoption by pulpit preaching," Elder Oaks said, quoting remarks he also made two years ago in New York City at an event with The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty. "Examples include the abolition of the slave trade in England and the Emancipation Proclamation [in the United States].”

The same is true of the Civil Rights movement of the last half-century. These great advances were not motivated and moved by secular ethics or persons who believed in moral relativism, he said. They were driven primarily by persons who had a clear religious vision of what was morally right.

Elder Oaks called for believers and nonbelievers alike to stand shoulder-to-shoulder to defend religious freedom — an action, he noted, that doesn't demand any kind of doctrinal compromise. All it requires, he said, is a common belief among the religious, irreligious and government and national bodies that "human beings are endowed with conscience, the critical faculty that guides our understanding of the standards of right and wrong in human behavior that we believe have been established by a Supreme Being."

Elder Oaks called for religious believers to be examples of civility when defending religious freedom. “We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for the sincere beliefs of others. We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our influence. We should seek the understanding and support of nonbelievers. And we must also enlist the official actions of governments and appropriate multinational bodies. All of this is necessary to preserve the great good that religious organizations and believers can accomplish for the benefit of all humanity."

Read the full transcript of Elder Oaks's talk, "Challenges to Religious Freedom."

Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction

By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

A pleasant young man in his early 20s sat across from me. He had an engaging smile, although he didn’t smile often during our talk. What drew me in was the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t know if I should remain a member of the Church,” he said. “I don’t think I’m worthy.”

“Why wouldn’t you be worthy?” I asked.

“I’m gay.”

I suppose he thought I would be startled. I wasn’t. “And … ?” I inquired.

A flicker of relief crossed his face as he sensed my continued interest. “I’m not attracted to women. I’m attracted to men. I’ve tried to ignore these feelings or change them, but …”

He sighed. “Why am I this way? The feelings are very real.”

I paused, then said, “I need a little more information before advising you. You see, same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is—just as it would be with heterosexual feelings. Do you violate the law of chastity?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

This time I was relieved. “Thank you for wanting to deal with this,” I said. “It takes courage to talk about it, and I honor you for keeping yourself clean.

“As for why you feel as you do, I can’t answer that question. A number of factors may be involved, and they can be as different as people are different. Some things, including the cause of your feelings, we may never know in this life. But knowing why you feel as you do isn’t as important as knowing you have not transgressed. If your life is in harmony with the commandments, then you are worthy to serve in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with the members, attend the temple, and receive all the blessings of the Savior’s Atonement.”

He sat up a little straighter. I continued, “You serve yourself poorly when you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn’t your only characteristic, so don’t give it disproportionate attention. You are first and foremost a son of God, and He loves you.

“What’s more, I love you. My Brethren among the General Authorities love you. I’m reminded of a comment President Boyd K. Packer made in speaking to those with same-gender attraction. ‘We do not reject you,’ he said. ‘… We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject you, because we love you.’” 1|

Read this entire article at: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/10/helping-those-who-struggle-with-same-gender-attraction

A Voice on Choice and Homosexuality

April 23, 2015     

by Nick Klinkefus

Nearly every time I tell someone that I am an active gay Mormon, they hug me. Something about my declaration for some reason inspires them to console me. Mind you, I’m can’t be sure which part of my statement they’re comforting me about: the fact that I’m attracted to men or the fact that I’m Mormon as well. Too often, people look at these two labels, these unstoppable yet opposed forces that seem doomed to butt heads with one another until the end of time. And people worry about anyone who happens to be caught in between the two. Perhaps rightly so. With an ever-growing rally of cries to be “true to yourself” and to live a supposed authentic homosexual life, the pressure can be enough to bring even the strongest members of the Church to crumble, hopeless and defeated.

I’m not here to point fingers, to blame, or to criticize. There are plenty of people who do enough of that.  Nor am I here to impress anyone, to be that guy who has it all figured out. Mostly because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. No, I merely am here to add my voice to what I hope is a swelling rally cry in favor of another path. A path that strays far from the commonly accepted script of the homosexual experience to what I believe is a future so much better than what anyone else has offered.

Now, I will be the first to boldly declare that homosexuality is not a choice. I did not choose to have these feelings for other men. I did not wake up one morning and think that this would be a fun thing to try out with the notion that I’d be able to switch back later if it didn’t appeal me. Trust me, I would have chosen differently. It is simply a card we have been dealt. What we do with it is completely up to us. We must make a choice.

Lehi, in his final days, counseled his sons about the nature of Creation and the meaning of opposition. He teaches that God “hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon” (2 Nephi 2:15). This often overlooked passage teaches something very important about ourselves. As children of God, it is presumed we belong in the first category as things that act. But so often, we let ourselves fall into the latter category and permit other things to act upon us. To let third parties—whether they are other people, unfortunate events, or our own passions—drag us around, powerless. I struggle to accept that this would be the life our Heavenly Father intended for us. We are dynamic beings with boundless potential to build for ourselves whatever life we desire. We are meant to be creators of our circumstances, not victims to them.

So we have a choice to be made. But what are the options? I could decide to fully embrace my homosexuality and live according to those desires. Some would argue that this track would be the most fulfilling for me, that by living true to my attractions, I achieve some form of self-actualization. From their perspective, they are probably right.

But something amazing happens when we turn ourselves to Christ. He asks that we give up everything for him. Our loftiest wishes, our highest hopes, our deepest desires, our entire selves. Elder Lawrence Corbridge of the Seventy taught:

"Just give it up. Surrender…to Him. Unconditionally. Withhold nothing. Turn it all over to Him; all of your desires, wishes, dreams and hopes. Be true and faithful in your head and in your heart, not just in your behavior. Trust in Him. Trust Him who knows all things. Trust Him who has all power. Trust Him whose love for you is perfect. Trust Him, who alone suffered, paid and atoned for your sins, and for your weaknesses as well. Trust Him that He will make of you, immeasurably more than what you will ever, in all eternity, make of yourself. He will create of you a masterpiece. You will create of you only a smudge. You will create an ordinary man. He will create a God."

Read the entire article at: http://www.millennialmormons.com/a-voice-on-choice-and-homosexuality/

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When a Loved One Struggles with Same-Sex Attraction

By A. Dean Byrd       September 1999 Ensign Magazine

Families and friends can reach out to those with homosexual difficulties by relying on accurate information and on guidance from the Lord’s prophets. There is no struggle for which the Atonement is not sufficient.

Family members and friends often experience shock and confusion when they learn that a loved one struggles with homosexual attraction. How do they manage their conflicting feelings and balance love and compassion with the Lord’s declaration that homosexual relations are sinful? Much of society has strayed from gospel truths on this issue. Many claim that homosexuality is biologically determined and that individuals are “born that way.” What should family and friends know about homosexuality? How should they respond to those who struggle with same-sex attraction?

Much confusion can be avoided if we heed the words of the Lord’s prophet. President Gordon B. Hinckley has provided a solid foundation in addressing this difficult issue. He has stated:

“Prophets of God have repeatedly taught through the ages that practices of homosexual relations, fornication, and adultery are grievous sins. Sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage are forbidden by the Lord. We affirm those teachings.” 1

In a conference address, President Hinckley provided further counsel on what our attitude should be toward those who experience homosexual attraction:

“We love them as sons and daughters of God. …

“We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families.” 2

What Research Shows

In addition to having counsel from the Lord’s prophet to provide guidance, it is helpful to have accurate information about homosexuality and its development. First, it is important to understand that homosexuality is not innate and unchangeable. Research has not proved that homosexuality is genetic. Even more important, many researchers whose studies have been used to support a biological model for homosexuality have determined that their work has been misinterpreted. What is clear is that homosexuality results from an interaction of social, biological, and psychological factors. These factors may include temperament, personality traits, sexual abuse, familial factors, and treatment by one’s peers. 3

Developmental factors aside, can individuals diminish homosexual attraction and make changes in their lives? Yes. There is substantial evidence, both historical and current, to indicate this is the case. Jeffrey Satinover, M.D., a former Fellow at Yale University and a graduate of MIT and Harvard, concludes:

“The fact that not all methods of treating those who struggle with homosexual attraction are successful, and that no method is successful for everyone, has been distorted by activists into the claim that no method is helpful for anyone. … The simple truth is that, like most methods in psychiatry and psychotherapy, the treatment of homosexuality has evolved out of eighty years of clinical experience, demonstrating approximately the same degree of success as, for example, the psychotherapy of depression.” 4

Other researchers note treatment success rates that exceed 50 percent, which is similar to the success rates for treating other difficulties. 5

How to Reach OutWith accurate information coupled with the Lord’s perspective, family and friends can reach out to those with homosexual difficulties and provide a source of hope and direction. Though homosexual attraction may not result from conscious choices, the divine gift of agency does provide us with choices in responding to such attraction. Helping a loved one understand and exercise agency can be valuable and empowering.

Click here to read the rest of this article:  https://www.lds.org/ensign/1999/09/when-a-loved-one-struggles-with-same-sex-attraction?lang=eng&query=loving+same-sex+attraction

We’ll Ascend Together

By Linda K. Burton,   Relief Society General President

It must be difficult, at best, for covenant men to live in a world that not only demeans their divine roles and responsibilities but also sends false messages about what it means to be a “real man.” One false message is “It’s all about me.” On the other end of the scale is the degrading and mocking message that husbands and fathers are no longer needed. I plead with you not to listen to Satan’s lies! He has forfeited that sacred privilege of ever becoming a husband or father. Because he is jealous of those who have the sacred roles he will never fill, he is intent on making “all men … miserable like unto himself”!

Lifting and Helping in Our Complementary Roles

Brothers and sisters, we need each other! As covenant-keeping women and men, we need to lift each other and help each other become the people the Lord would have us become. And we need to work together to lift the rising generation and help them reach their divine potential as heirs of eternal life. We could do as Elder Robert D. Hales and his wife, Mary, have done and follow the proverb “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we’ll ascend together.”

We know from the scriptures that “it is not good that … man should be alone.” That is why our Heavenly Father made “an help meet for him.” The phrase help meet means “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him.” For example, our two hands are similar to each other but not exactly the same. In fact, they are exact opposites, but they complement each other and are suited to each other. Working together, they are stronger.

In a chapter about families, the Church handbook contains this statement: “The nature of male and female spirits is such that they complete each other.” Please note that it does not say “compete with each other” but “complete each other”! We are here to help, lift, and rejoice with each other as we try to become our very best selves. Sister Barbara B. Smith wisely taught, “There is so much more of happiness to be had when we can rejoice in another’s successes and not just in our own.” When we seek to “complete” rather than “compete,” it is so much easier to cheer each other on!

When I was a young mother of several small children, at the end of days filled with diapering, dish washing, and disciplining, no one sang more emphatically the Primary song “I’m so glad when daddy comes home.” I’m sad to admit, however, I was not always cheerful when Craig seemed to bounce through the door after a hard day of work. He always greeted each of us with a hug and kiss and turned many difficult and sometimes disastrous days into delightful daddy times.

I wish I had been a little less preoccupied with the endless list of to-dos still to be done and had more wisely focused, like he did, on things that mattered most. I would have stopped more often and enjoyed sacred family time and would have thanked him more often for blessing our lives!

Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words to Each Other

Not long ago, a faithful sister in the Church shared with me a deep concern she had been praying about for some time. Her concern was for some of the sisters in her ward. She told me how it hurt her heart to observe that they sometimes spoke disrespectfully to their husbands and about their husbands, even in front of their children.

She then told me how as a young woman she had earnestly desired and prayed to find and marry a worthy priesthood holder and build a happy home with him. She had grown up in a home where her mother had “ruled the roost” and her father had cowered to her mother’s demands in order to keep peace at home. She felt that there was a better way. She had not seen it modeled in the home she grew up in, but as she prayed fervently for guidance, the Lord blessed her to know how to create a home with her husband where the Spirit would be warmly welcomed. I have been in that home and can testify it is a holy place!

Sisters and brothers, how often do we intentionally “speak kind words to each other”? We might test ourselves by asking a few questions. With a little adaptation, these questions can apply to most of us, whether we are married or single, whatever our home situation might be.

When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words “but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?

When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”?

Now, if any of these questions lead you to squirm or feel a tinge of guilt, remember that Elder David A. Bednar has taught that “guilt is to our spirit what pain is to our body—a warning of danger and a protection from additional damage.”

I invite each of us to heed Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s heartfelt plea: “Brothers and sisters, in this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be ‘perfect’ men and women in at least this one way now—by offending not in word, or more positively put, by speaking with a new tongue, the tongue of angels.”

Read the entire article (talk) at:  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/well-ascend-together?lang=eng