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When a Loved One Struggles with Same-Sex Attraction

By A. Dean Byrd       September 1999 Ensign Magazine

Families and friends can reach out to those with homosexual difficulties by relying on accurate information and on guidance from the Lord’s prophets. There is no struggle for which the Atonement is not sufficient.

Family members and friends often experience shock and confusion when they learn that a loved one struggles with homosexual attraction. How do they manage their conflicting feelings and balance love and compassion with the Lord’s declaration that homosexual relations are sinful? Much of society has strayed from gospel truths on this issue. Many claim that homosexuality is biologically determined and that individuals are “born that way.” What should family and friends know about homosexuality? How should they respond to those who struggle with same-sex attraction?

Much confusion can be avoided if we heed the words of the Lord’s prophet. President Gordon B. Hinckley has provided a solid foundation in addressing this difficult issue. He has stated:

“Prophets of God have repeatedly taught through the ages that practices of homosexual relations, fornication, and adultery are grievous sins. Sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage are forbidden by the Lord. We affirm those teachings.” 1

In a conference address, President Hinckley provided further counsel on what our attitude should be toward those who experience homosexual attraction:

“We love them as sons and daughters of God. …

“We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families.” 2

What Research Shows

In addition to having counsel from the Lord’s prophet to provide guidance, it is helpful to have accurate information about homosexuality and its development. First, it is important to understand that homosexuality is not innate and unchangeable. Research has not proved that homosexuality is genetic. Even more important, many researchers whose studies have been used to support a biological model for homosexuality have determined that their work has been misinterpreted. What is clear is that homosexuality results from an interaction of social, biological, and psychological factors. These factors may include temperament, personality traits, sexual abuse, familial factors, and treatment by one’s peers. 3

Developmental factors aside, can individuals diminish homosexual attraction and make changes in their lives? Yes. There is substantial evidence, both historical and current, to indicate this is the case. Jeffrey Satinover, M.D., a former Fellow at Yale University and a graduate of MIT and Harvard, concludes:

“The fact that not all methods of treating those who struggle with homosexual attraction are successful, and that no method is successful for everyone, has been distorted by activists into the claim that no method is helpful for anyone. … The simple truth is that, like most methods in psychiatry and psychotherapy, the treatment of homosexuality has evolved out of eighty years of clinical experience, demonstrating approximately the same degree of success as, for example, the psychotherapy of depression.” 4

Other researchers note treatment success rates that exceed 50 percent, which is similar to the success rates for treating other difficulties. 5

How to Reach OutWith accurate information coupled with the Lord’s perspective, family and friends can reach out to those with homosexual difficulties and provide a source of hope and direction. Though homosexual attraction may not result from conscious choices, the divine gift of agency does provide us with choices in responding to such attraction. Helping a loved one understand and exercise agency can be valuable and empowering.