The Other Side of Same-Sex Marriage and LGBT Mormon Support

By Joshua Butler

To straight Latter-day Saints who, though with good intentions, choose to publicly support gay marriage:

While I never thought I’d speak about this in such a public forum, there are far too many faithful LGBT members in the Church who, for various reasons, remain quiet on this subject. If I may be so presumptuous as to speak for a significant but generally silent segment of this population, I’d like to express some of our pains regarding some LDS church members’ support of gay marriage. You mean well, and do your best to show love to LGBT individuals, but for many of us it can seem like you’ve ignored your LGBT brothers and sisters within the Church who are striving to follow the doctrinal teachings of the Church, in exclusive favor of supporting those within and without who pursue same-sex relationships.

It hurts when—on those days we need additional strength to keep our covenants—our brothers and sisters in Christ flood our feeds with symbols of lifestyle choices and beliefs we’ve covenanted to forsake. It hurts when people who don’t experience same-sex attraction take lightly the prophetic council that affects our lives and the thorn in our side. It hurts when we seek for strength from Church members, only to hear some members who either denigrate our choices to strive to remain true to our covenants or who invite us away from the counsel of the Lord’s anointed. It hurts when Church members help Satan whisper in our ears: “See, even members who don’t experience these feelings can see that Church leaders are misguided and outdated.”

It hurts when people we love try to show their love for us by supporting the voices that strive to undermine our eternal happiness with our Father in Heaven. For those who are open about their same-sex attraction, it hurts when friends who do not experience same-sex attraction side with those opposing Church doctrine and policy rather than seeking understanding from the words of living prophets and from their LGBT brothers and sisters within the Church. It hurts immensely when friends—friends who we’ve aided in their experience with same-sex attraction—get pulled away from integrity to their covenants by the influence of active members that should be aiding them, strengthening their faith, and binding them to Christ.

Faithful LGBT members of the Church need Christ-like love and acceptance too. We need Church members who flood social media with reminders of the blessings of temples and the promise of eternal families. We need fellow disciples who mourn with us, as we mourn the increasingly heavy pull of the cultural currents that would draw us away from our covenants, and who comfort us with the assurances of God’s promises to the faithful. We need friends who show us by example the joy of celestial marriage and family by welcoming us into their hearts and homes.

We need friends who are sensitive to our feelings and experiences and seek to strengthen us in making and keeping sacred covenants. We need Church members who seek to cement our faith in the prophets and apostles. We need Church members who will be brave and support unpopular doctrines set forth by the prophets and apostles, not out of blind faith or bigoted arrogance, but out of pure testimony, eternal perspective, and genuine concern for those affected. We need fellow disciples who acknowledge that they don’t understand our burden, but who seek to do so in order to better bear it with us.

We love our Savior and His gospel. We love His Church and its members. We stand eternally grateful for all the support we receive in keeping our covenants and maintaining our name and place in the Lord’s kingdom.

Read the article at: http://ldslights.org/the-other-side-of-same-sex-marriage-and-lgbt-mormon-support/

How Will Children Know the Truth About Marriage If We Don’t Teach Them?

By Wendy Asay · May 10, 2015

A few months ago an LDS stake high councilor was attending a class with the young women in a ward he was visiting. They were discussing same-sex attraction and gay marriage. The Young Women leaders were being very tentative and vague as they discussed the topic because they were concerned about offending one particular young woman. The high counselor watched as the young women grew more and more conflicted and confused. Finally he spoke up and stated, “Let me clarify some things for you . . .” He went on to explain clearly and unapologetically that while having same-sex attraction is not a sin, acting on it is. He told them “Sin is sin, and is unacceptable in the eyes of God.” When he finished one of the young women spoke up and thanked him. She told him that the youth are getting so many confusing messages about same-sex attraction and gay marriage that it has become a real challenge for them. She told him that as he was speaking, the Spirit confirmed the truth of what he said to her.

Teaching Our Children

They need to know how society’s definitions of “fairness,” “tolerance,” and “equality” relate to Christ’s teachings about love.

Today’s youth are confronted with many conflicting messages about same-sex attraction and gay marriage. What they hear from music, the media, and from school doesn’t always mesh with what they are being taught in Church. This can leave them feeling confused and even angry. As parents, we have the responsibility to guide them through their confusion. They need help sorting through activist’s claims about same-sex attraction. They need to know how society’s definitions of “fairness,” “tolerance,” and “equality” relate to Christ’s teachings about love. They also need to understand the impact gay marriage will have on individuals, families, and society. If we fail to teach our children why natural marriage and family are essential, they will only hear what the world is saying to them. They need to hear our voices. The Spirit can only testify of the truth to them if they hear it.

One family’s commitment to be more proactive in teaching their children was sparked when their teen-aged son came to them with concerns about conversations he had had with friends at school. They had been discussing political issues of the day, including gay marriage. The parents hadn’t personally faced many of the questions their son asked and didn’t know how to answer. They had questions of their own regarding gay marriage such as: What harm would it be to legally recognize these relationships? What are the consequences to society of the gay rights agenda? Don’t same sex attracted people also deserve to be in a relationship that brings them happiness? What is marriage and why does it matter to society?

The parents began a concerted effort to learn what they could about the issues. They read books and attended events that focused on the family. Then they organized a series of family home evenings with their extended family (eight families in all) to teach their children the new-found information. During the meetings they addressed different issues relating to same-sex attraction and gay marriage using The Family: A Proclamation to the World as their guide.

The experience was life changing for them. They had no idea how emotional the discussions would be for their children who were dealing with the issue every day. Most of their children knew someone who was struggling with their personal identity and they were bothered by thoughtless and insensitive comments directed at them. The teenagers and college students had strong opinions and asked challenging questions as they sought help in dealing with their own personal confusion. As the lessons progressed the parents grew in knowledge and confidence in addressing the difficult issues. They were able to help their children come to terms with the issues and internalize truths espoused in the proclamation on the family.

Responding to Activists’ Claims

Gay activists make many convincing claims regarding same-sex attraction. We can help our youth discern the truth regarding those claims by giving them solid information and reasoned arguments from secular as well as religious sources. There is a large and growing body of research that affirms the value of man/woman marriage and natural families. Beyond that there is a host of clearly articulated essays that lay out the social, cultural and legal reasons for supporting traditional marriage. These resources can help us form strong rational arguments that can guide our youth to greater understanding.

Read the entire article at: http://ldsmag.com/how-will-children-know-the-truth-about-marriage-if-we-dont-teach-them/#

In Argentina, Apostle Says Religious Freedom Is Everyone's Concern

The religious and irreligious should stand together to defend matters of conscience

BUENOS AIRES — 

A leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints told the Argentine Council for International Relations (CARI) today that religious freedom is not just the concern of religious persons.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, one of the Twelve Apostles for the church based in the United States, said nonbelievers also have a strong interest in religious freedom because the protection of conscience "helps people from a wide spectrum of beliefs feel assured that their deepest concerns and values are respected and protected."

With the assistance of an interpreter, Elder Oaks — a former Utah Supreme Court justice who has spoken publicly many times in defense of religious freedom — told the international audience that the current weakening of guarantees of the free exercise of religion are attributable to changes in culture rather than legal decisions. He also reemphasized that religious teachings and actions of believers deserve special legal protections because of their significant contributions to society.

Elder Oaks referred specifically to an "increasingly godless and amoral society” in many places around the world that embraces moral relativism and denies or downplays God or any sort of absolute right or wrong.

"This glorifying of human reasoning has had good effects and bad," Elder Oaks told CARI. "The work of science has made innumerable improvements in our lives, but it has also contributed to the rejection of divine authority as the ultimate basis of right and wrong by those who have substituted science for God. In contrast, many religious people are now asking why the viewpoints of any of the brilliant philosophers of the liberal tradition should be thought more relevant to moral decisions than the will of God."

The value of God and religion is evident in the many moral advances in Western society that "have been motivated by religious principles and persuaded to official adoption by pulpit preaching," Elder Oaks said, quoting remarks he also made two years ago in New York City at an event with The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty. "Examples include the abolition of the slave trade in England and the Emancipation Proclamation [in the United States].”

The same is true of the Civil Rights movement of the last half-century. These great advances were not motivated and moved by secular ethics or persons who believed in moral relativism, he said. They were driven primarily by persons who had a clear religious vision of what was morally right.

Elder Oaks called for believers and nonbelievers alike to stand shoulder-to-shoulder to defend religious freedom — an action, he noted, that doesn't demand any kind of doctrinal compromise. All it requires, he said, is a common belief among the religious, irreligious and government and national bodies that "human beings are endowed with conscience, the critical faculty that guides our understanding of the standards of right and wrong in human behavior that we believe have been established by a Supreme Being."

Elder Oaks called for religious believers to be examples of civility when defending religious freedom. “We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for the sincere beliefs of others. We should be wise in explaining and pursuing our positions and in exercising our influence. We should seek the understanding and support of nonbelievers. And we must also enlist the official actions of governments and appropriate multinational bodies. All of this is necessary to preserve the great good that religious organizations and believers can accomplish for the benefit of all humanity."

Read the full transcript of Elder Oaks's talk, "Challenges to Religious Freedom."

Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction

By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

A pleasant young man in his early 20s sat across from me. He had an engaging smile, although he didn’t smile often during our talk. What drew me in was the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t know if I should remain a member of the Church,” he said. “I don’t think I’m worthy.”

“Why wouldn’t you be worthy?” I asked.

“I’m gay.”

I suppose he thought I would be startled. I wasn’t. “And … ?” I inquired.

A flicker of relief crossed his face as he sensed my continued interest. “I’m not attracted to women. I’m attracted to men. I’ve tried to ignore these feelings or change them, but …”

He sighed. “Why am I this way? The feelings are very real.”

I paused, then said, “I need a little more information before advising you. You see, same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is—just as it would be with heterosexual feelings. Do you violate the law of chastity?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

This time I was relieved. “Thank you for wanting to deal with this,” I said. “It takes courage to talk about it, and I honor you for keeping yourself clean.

“As for why you feel as you do, I can’t answer that question. A number of factors may be involved, and they can be as different as people are different. Some things, including the cause of your feelings, we may never know in this life. But knowing why you feel as you do isn’t as important as knowing you have not transgressed. If your life is in harmony with the commandments, then you are worthy to serve in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with the members, attend the temple, and receive all the blessings of the Savior’s Atonement.”

He sat up a little straighter. I continued, “You serve yourself poorly when you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn’t your only characteristic, so don’t give it disproportionate attention. You are first and foremost a son of God, and He loves you.

“What’s more, I love you. My Brethren among the General Authorities love you. I’m reminded of a comment President Boyd K. Packer made in speaking to those with same-gender attraction. ‘We do not reject you,’ he said. ‘… We cannot reject you, for you are the sons and daughters of God. We will not reject you, because we love you.’” 1|

Read this entire article at: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/10/helping-those-who-struggle-with-same-gender-attraction

A Voice on Choice and Homosexuality

April 23, 2015     

by Nick Klinkefus

Nearly every time I tell someone that I am an active gay Mormon, they hug me. Something about my declaration for some reason inspires them to console me. Mind you, I’m can’t be sure which part of my statement they’re comforting me about: the fact that I’m attracted to men or the fact that I’m Mormon as well. Too often, people look at these two labels, these unstoppable yet opposed forces that seem doomed to butt heads with one another until the end of time. And people worry about anyone who happens to be caught in between the two. Perhaps rightly so. With an ever-growing rally of cries to be “true to yourself” and to live a supposed authentic homosexual life, the pressure can be enough to bring even the strongest members of the Church to crumble, hopeless and defeated.

I’m not here to point fingers, to blame, or to criticize. There are plenty of people who do enough of that.  Nor am I here to impress anyone, to be that guy who has it all figured out. Mostly because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. No, I merely am here to add my voice to what I hope is a swelling rally cry in favor of another path. A path that strays far from the commonly accepted script of the homosexual experience to what I believe is a future so much better than what anyone else has offered.

Now, I will be the first to boldly declare that homosexuality is not a choice. I did not choose to have these feelings for other men. I did not wake up one morning and think that this would be a fun thing to try out with the notion that I’d be able to switch back later if it didn’t appeal me. Trust me, I would have chosen differently. It is simply a card we have been dealt. What we do with it is completely up to us. We must make a choice.

Lehi, in his final days, counseled his sons about the nature of Creation and the meaning of opposition. He teaches that God “hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon” (2 Nephi 2:15). This often overlooked passage teaches something very important about ourselves. As children of God, it is presumed we belong in the first category as things that act. But so often, we let ourselves fall into the latter category and permit other things to act upon us. To let third parties—whether they are other people, unfortunate events, or our own passions—drag us around, powerless. I struggle to accept that this would be the life our Heavenly Father intended for us. We are dynamic beings with boundless potential to build for ourselves whatever life we desire. We are meant to be creators of our circumstances, not victims to them.

So we have a choice to be made. But what are the options? I could decide to fully embrace my homosexuality and live according to those desires. Some would argue that this track would be the most fulfilling for me, that by living true to my attractions, I achieve some form of self-actualization. From their perspective, they are probably right.

But something amazing happens when we turn ourselves to Christ. He asks that we give up everything for him. Our loftiest wishes, our highest hopes, our deepest desires, our entire selves. Elder Lawrence Corbridge of the Seventy taught:

"Just give it up. Surrender…to Him. Unconditionally. Withhold nothing. Turn it all over to Him; all of your desires, wishes, dreams and hopes. Be true and faithful in your head and in your heart, not just in your behavior. Trust in Him. Trust Him who knows all things. Trust Him who has all power. Trust Him whose love for you is perfect. Trust Him, who alone suffered, paid and atoned for your sins, and for your weaknesses as well. Trust Him that He will make of you, immeasurably more than what you will ever, in all eternity, make of yourself. He will create of you a masterpiece. You will create of you only a smudge. You will create an ordinary man. He will create a God."

Read the entire article at: http://www.millennialmormons.com/a-voice-on-choice-and-homosexuality/

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When a Loved One Struggles with Same-Sex Attraction

By A. Dean Byrd       September 1999 Ensign Magazine

Families and friends can reach out to those with homosexual difficulties by relying on accurate information and on guidance from the Lord’s prophets. There is no struggle for which the Atonement is not sufficient.

Family members and friends often experience shock and confusion when they learn that a loved one struggles with homosexual attraction. How do they manage their conflicting feelings and balance love and compassion with the Lord’s declaration that homosexual relations are sinful? Much of society has strayed from gospel truths on this issue. Many claim that homosexuality is biologically determined and that individuals are “born that way.” What should family and friends know about homosexuality? How should they respond to those who struggle with same-sex attraction?

Much confusion can be avoided if we heed the words of the Lord’s prophet. President Gordon B. Hinckley has provided a solid foundation in addressing this difficult issue. He has stated:

“Prophets of God have repeatedly taught through the ages that practices of homosexual relations, fornication, and adultery are grievous sins. Sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage are forbidden by the Lord. We affirm those teachings.” 1

In a conference address, President Hinckley provided further counsel on what our attitude should be toward those who experience homosexual attraction:

“We love them as sons and daughters of God. …

“We want to help these people, to strengthen them, to assist them with their problems and to help them with their difficulties. But we cannot stand idle if they indulge in immoral activity, if they try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called same-sex marriage situation. To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families.” 2

What Research Shows

In addition to having counsel from the Lord’s prophet to provide guidance, it is helpful to have accurate information about homosexuality and its development. First, it is important to understand that homosexuality is not innate and unchangeable. Research has not proved that homosexuality is genetic. Even more important, many researchers whose studies have been used to support a biological model for homosexuality have determined that their work has been misinterpreted. What is clear is that homosexuality results from an interaction of social, biological, and psychological factors. These factors may include temperament, personality traits, sexual abuse, familial factors, and treatment by one’s peers. 3

Developmental factors aside, can individuals diminish homosexual attraction and make changes in their lives? Yes. There is substantial evidence, both historical and current, to indicate this is the case. Jeffrey Satinover, M.D., a former Fellow at Yale University and a graduate of MIT and Harvard, concludes:

“The fact that not all methods of treating those who struggle with homosexual attraction are successful, and that no method is successful for everyone, has been distorted by activists into the claim that no method is helpful for anyone. … The simple truth is that, like most methods in psychiatry and psychotherapy, the treatment of homosexuality has evolved out of eighty years of clinical experience, demonstrating approximately the same degree of success as, for example, the psychotherapy of depression.” 4

Other researchers note treatment success rates that exceed 50 percent, which is similar to the success rates for treating other difficulties. 5

How to Reach OutWith accurate information coupled with the Lord’s perspective, family and friends can reach out to those with homosexual difficulties and provide a source of hope and direction. Though homosexual attraction may not result from conscious choices, the divine gift of agency does provide us with choices in responding to such attraction. Helping a loved one understand and exercise agency can be valuable and empowering.

Click here to read the rest of this article:  https://www.lds.org/ensign/1999/09/when-a-loved-one-struggles-with-same-sex-attraction?lang=eng&query=loving+same-sex+attraction

We’ll Ascend Together

By Linda K. Burton,   Relief Society General President

It must be difficult, at best, for covenant men to live in a world that not only demeans their divine roles and responsibilities but also sends false messages about what it means to be a “real man.” One false message is “It’s all about me.” On the other end of the scale is the degrading and mocking message that husbands and fathers are no longer needed. I plead with you not to listen to Satan’s lies! He has forfeited that sacred privilege of ever becoming a husband or father. Because he is jealous of those who have the sacred roles he will never fill, he is intent on making “all men … miserable like unto himself”!

Lifting and Helping in Our Complementary Roles

Brothers and sisters, we need each other! As covenant-keeping women and men, we need to lift each other and help each other become the people the Lord would have us become. And we need to work together to lift the rising generation and help them reach their divine potential as heirs of eternal life. We could do as Elder Robert D. Hales and his wife, Mary, have done and follow the proverb “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee, and we’ll ascend together.”

We know from the scriptures that “it is not good that … man should be alone.” That is why our Heavenly Father made “an help meet for him.” The phrase help meet means “a helper suited to, worthy of, or corresponding to him.” For example, our two hands are similar to each other but not exactly the same. In fact, they are exact opposites, but they complement each other and are suited to each other. Working together, they are stronger.

In a chapter about families, the Church handbook contains this statement: “The nature of male and female spirits is such that they complete each other.” Please note that it does not say “compete with each other” but “complete each other”! We are here to help, lift, and rejoice with each other as we try to become our very best selves. Sister Barbara B. Smith wisely taught, “There is so much more of happiness to be had when we can rejoice in another’s successes and not just in our own.” When we seek to “complete” rather than “compete,” it is so much easier to cheer each other on!

When I was a young mother of several small children, at the end of days filled with diapering, dish washing, and disciplining, no one sang more emphatically the Primary song “I’m so glad when daddy comes home.” I’m sad to admit, however, I was not always cheerful when Craig seemed to bounce through the door after a hard day of work. He always greeted each of us with a hug and kiss and turned many difficult and sometimes disastrous days into delightful daddy times.

I wish I had been a little less preoccupied with the endless list of to-dos still to be done and had more wisely focused, like he did, on things that mattered most. I would have stopped more often and enjoyed sacred family time and would have thanked him more often for blessing our lives!

Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words to Each Other

Not long ago, a faithful sister in the Church shared with me a deep concern she had been praying about for some time. Her concern was for some of the sisters in her ward. She told me how it hurt her heart to observe that they sometimes spoke disrespectfully to their husbands and about their husbands, even in front of their children.

She then told me how as a young woman she had earnestly desired and prayed to find and marry a worthy priesthood holder and build a happy home with him. She had grown up in a home where her mother had “ruled the roost” and her father had cowered to her mother’s demands in order to keep peace at home. She felt that there was a better way. She had not seen it modeled in the home she grew up in, but as she prayed fervently for guidance, the Lord blessed her to know how to create a home with her husband where the Spirit would be warmly welcomed. I have been in that home and can testify it is a holy place!

Sisters and brothers, how often do we intentionally “speak kind words to each other”? We might test ourselves by asking a few questions. With a little adaptation, these questions can apply to most of us, whether we are married or single, whatever our home situation might be.

When was the last time I sincerely praised my companion, either alone or in the presence of our children?

When was the last time I thanked, expressed love for, or earnestly pleaded in faith for him or her in prayer?

When was the last time I stopped myself from saying something I knew could be hurtful?

When was the last time I apologized and humbly asked for forgiveness—without adding the words “but if only you had” or “but if only you hadn’t”?

When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be “right”?

Now, if any of these questions lead you to squirm or feel a tinge of guilt, remember that Elder David A. Bednar has taught that “guilt is to our spirit what pain is to our body—a warning of danger and a protection from additional damage.”

I invite each of us to heed Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s heartfelt plea: “Brothers and sisters, in this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be ‘perfect’ men and women in at least this one way now—by offending not in word, or more positively put, by speaking with a new tongue, the tongue of angels.”

Read the entire article (talk) at:  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/well-ascend-together?lang=eng

Defenders of the Family Proclamation

By Bonnie L. Oscarson.   Young Women General President

During this 20th anniversary year of the family proclamation, I would like to issue a challenge for all of us as women of the Church to be defenders of “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” Just as Marie Madeline Cardon courageously defended the missionaries and her newly found beliefs, we need to boldly defend the Lord’s revealed doctrines describing marriage, families, the divine roles of men and women, and the importance of homes as sacred places—even when the world is shouting in our ears that these principles are outdated, limiting, or no longer relevant. Everyone, no matter what their marital circumstance or number of children, can be defenders of the Lord’s plan described in the family proclamation. If it is the Lord’s plan, it should also be our plan!

There are three principles taught in the proclamation which I think are especially in need of steadfast defenders. The first is marriage between a man and a woman. We are taught in the scriptures, “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” For anyone to attain the fullness of priesthood blessings, there must be a husband and a wife sealed in the house of the Lord, working together in righteousness and remaining faithful to their covenants. This is the Lord’s plan for His children, and no amount of public discourse or criticism will change what the Lord has declared. We need to continue to model righteous marriages, seek for that blessing in our lives, and have faith if it is slow in coming. Let us be defenders of marriage as the Lord has ordained it while continuing to show love and compassion for those with differing views.

The next principle which calls for our defending voices is elevating the divine roles of mothers and fathers. We eagerly teach our children to aim high in this life. We want to make sure that our daughters know that they have the potential to achieve and be whatever they can imagine. We hope they will love learning, be educated, talented, and maybe even become the next Marie Curie or Eliza R. Snow.

Do we also teach our sons and daughters there is no greater honor, no more elevated title, and no more important role in this life than that of mother or father? I would hope that as we encourage our children to reach for the very best in this life that we also teach them to honor and exalt the roles that mothers and fathers play in Heavenly Father’s plan.

Read this entire article at: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/defenders-of-the-family-proclamation?lang=eng

LDS Church's statement on Religious Liberties as they relate to LGBT Rights and Liberties:

 

Interview With Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder Lance B. Wickman: “Same-Gender Attraction”

See also Same-Sex Attraction topic page.

The continuing public debate over same-gender marriage has prompted many questions from the news media, the general public and Church members in relation to the position of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on the marriage issue specifically and on homosexuality in general.

The following interview was conducted in 2006 with Elder Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church, and Elder Lance B. Wickman, a member of the Seventy. These senior Church leaders responded to questions from two members of the Church’s Public Affairs staff. The transcript of the interview appears below in order to help clarify the Church’s stand on these important, complex and sensitive issues.

PUBLIC AFFAIRS: At the outset, can you explain why this whole issue of homosexuality and same-gender marriage is important to the Church?

ELDER OAKS: This is much bigger than just a question of whether or not society should be more tolerant of the homosexual lifestyle. Over past years we have seen unrelenting pressure from advocates of that lifestyle to accept as normal what is not normal, and to characterize those who disagree as narrow-minded, bigoted and unreasonable. Such advocates are quick to demand freedom of speech and thought for themselves, but equally quick to criticize those with a different view and, if possible, to silence them by applying labels like “homophobic.” In at least one country where homosexual activists have won major concessions, we have even seen a church pastor threatened with prison for preaching from the pulpit that homosexual behavior is sinful. Given these trends, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints must take a stand on doctrine and principle. This is more than a social issue — ultimately it may be a test of our most basic religious freedoms to teach what we know our Father in Heaven wants us to teach.

PUBLIC AFFAIRS: Let’s say my 17-year-old son comes to talk to me and, after a great deal of difficulty trying to get it out, tells me that he believes that he’s attracted to men — that he has no interest and never has had any interest in girls. He believes he’s probably gay. He says that he’s tried to suppress these feelings. He’s remained celibate, but he realizes that his feelings are going to be devastating to the family because we’ve always talked about his Church mission, about his temple marriage and all those kinds of things. He just feels he can’t live what he thinks is a lie any longer, and so he comes in this very upset and depressed manner. What do I tell him as a parent?

ELDER OAKS: You’re my son. You will always be my son, and I’ll always be there to help you.

The distinction between feelings or inclinations on the one hand, and behavior on the other hand, is very clear. It’s no sin to have inclinations that if yielded to would produce behavior that would be a transgression. The sin is in yielding to temptation. Temptation is not unique. Even the Savior was tempted.

The New Testament affirms that God has given us commandments that are difficult to keep. It is in 1 Corinthians chapter 10, verse 13: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

I think it’s important for you to understand that homosexuality, which you’ve spoken of, is not a noun that describes a condition. It’s an adjective that describes feelings or behavior. I encourage you, as you struggle with these challenges, not to think of yourself as a ‘something’ or ‘another,’ except that you’re a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you’re my son, and that you’re struggling with challenges.

Everyone has some challenges they have to struggle with. You’ve described a particular kind of challenge that is very vexing. It is common in our society and it has also become politicized. But it’s only one of a host of challenges men and women have to struggle with, and I just encourage you to seek the help of the Savior to resist temptation and to refrain from behavior that would cause you to have to repent or to have your Church membership called into question.

Read the rest of this interview at: http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/interview-oaks-wickman-same-gender-attraction

Church’s Doctrine on Chastity Will Never Change

ARTICLE HIGHLIGHTS

• The Church’s doctrine regarding chastity and marriage is unchanged and won’t change.
• “Tolerance does not mean forcing someone to condone what they in good conscience cannot condone.”
• The Church is committed to treating all with respect and rejects any form of persecution.

“We have urged our bishops and stake presidents and our members generally—and continue to urge them—to show love, to treat people with respect, to try to do all in their power to keep them close to the Church, to pray with them, to weep with them, to seek the way forward,” he said. “And not just individuals, but family members and even extended family. Over time the Lord can guide each individual and their loved ones into a path where they make a positive contribution and feel fulfillment and spiritual development in their own lives.”

All worthy members can “have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and reap the benefits of spiritual gifts that are possible here and now, recognizing that no blessing in the end is withheld from any faithful individual.”

However, he said, when someone chooses to lay aside the basic standards and commandments of the gospel, transgressions and sins must be addressed. “It is not love to ignore disobedience to the Lord’s law and gospel principles.”

Read entire article at: https://www.lds.org/church/news/churchs-doctrine-on-chastity-will-never-change-says-elder-christofferson?cid=HPTH020515638&lang=eng

THE FAMILY

A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of theChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation

Compassion for Those Who Struggle

Name withheld

Friendship and compassion can strengthen those dealing with same-sex attraction.

The inspiring account of Hannah in the Old Testament depicts the travails of one temporarily deprived of normal family relationships by her inability to bear a child. Mocked by her husband’s other wife “because the Lord had shut up her womb,” Hannah “was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the Lord, and wept sore” (1Sam. 1:6, 10). The footnote to this scripture explains that the phrase “bitterness of soul” means not anger or cynicism but sadness and grief.

There are those in the Church today who also feel a“bitterness of soul” because they do not fully experience the joys of family life. This is not so because of infertility. Neither is it because they have not had a suitable opportunity to marry. They are unable as yet to have families of their own because of sexual orientation.

They are those brothers and sisters in the Church with same-sex attractions who are conscientiously striving to live the commandments. They are those who reject trendy beliefs that homosexuality is an acceptable lifestyle option. They are those who, recognizing we are not named by what tempts us, eschew the label “gay” to take upon them the name of Christ instead.

I am one of them.
Magnified through Endurance

 For those of us facing this challenge, the only way to live a life of righteousness is to delay or go without something for which most human hearts hunger: the kind of partnership and completeness that is found in a marriage relationship. In the moments of searing loneliness this reality brings, I find compensating companionship in the enveloping arms of the Savior and His Atonement. During such times, the Savior’s words “My grace is sufficient for thee” (2 Cor. 12:9) take on a profound new meaning.

It is a distressing duality to yearn to follow Christ andHis teachings about marriage and family while beingunable to do so because of inharmonious sexualattractions. When I despair I take comfort from whatthe Lord promises in Doctrine and Covenants 58:2–3[D&C 58:2–3]:

“Blessed is he that keepeth my commandments,whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful intribulation, the reward of the same is greater in thekingdom of heaven.

“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for thepresent time, the design of your God concerning thosethings which shall come hereafter, and the glory whichshall follow after much tribulation.”

Here I hope to explain through my experience thechallenges and needs of many of the Church membersenduring same-sex attraction, that perhaps increasedunderstanding and compassion from friends, family,and Church members will be a sustaining bulwark inour defenses against giving in to temptation.

The Choice Is in the Response, Not in the Temptation

It is not often that Saints with same-sex attraction make their challenge known to others. For me, this struggle is one only the Lord, my bishop, and a few close and understanding friends need to know.

However, at times family and ward or branch members will discern that one harbors these attractions. If other share such perceptions of me, I am grateful that in my Church associations I have never experienced jokes and gossip that make light of a struggle where a soul’s destiny hangs in the balance. As Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has stated, “Persons… struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of Church members.” 1

Ours is often a hidden conflict for fear of being seen as“deviants” who have chosen these attractions. For most Latter-day Saints who struggle with this challenge, nothing could be further from the truth. As one author has written: “Why would someone who has a strong conviction of the divine origins of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints choose to engage in a wrenching conflict with that testimony … ? Same-sex desires create a very difficult challenge for Church members and are seldom chosen. The trial befalls even the valiant ones.” 2 Our choice is in deciding whether to defy or succumb to temptation, not in whether to have the temptation itself.

Conversely, the doctrine of agency contradicts worldly attempts to justify homosexual behavior because of supposed biological or physiological causes. Elder Oaks said: “Once we have reached the age or condition of accountability, the claim ‘I was born that way’ does not excuse actions or thoughts that fail to conform to the commandments of God. We need to learn how to live so that a weakness that is mortal will not prevent us from achieving the goal that is eternal.” 3

Read the entire article at: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2004/09/compassion-for-those-who-struggle?lang=eng

Loving Others and Living with Differences

Elder Dallin H. Oaks      October 2014   LDS General Conference

In the concluding days of His mortal ministry, Jesus gaveHis disciples what He called “a new commandment”(John 13:34). Repeated three times, that commandmentwas simple but difficult: “Love one another, as I haveloved you” (John 15:12; see also verse 17). The teachingto love one another had been a central teaching of theSavior’s ministry. The second great commandment was“love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39). Jesuseven taught, “Love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44). But the commandment to love others as He had loved His flock was to His disciples—and is to us—a challenge that was unique. “Actually,” President Thomas S. Monson taught us last April, “love is the very essence of the gospel, and Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. His life was a legacy of love.”1

Why is it so difficult to have Christlike love for one another? It is difficult because we must live among those who do not share our beliefs and values and covenant obligations. In His great Intercessory Prayer, offered just before His Crucifixion, Jesus prayed for His followers: “I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world,even as I am not of the world” (John 17:14). Then, to the Father He pleaded, “I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil” (verse 15).

We are to live in the world but not be of the world. We must live in the world because, as Jesus taught in a parable, His kingdom is “like leaven,” whose function is to raise the whole mass by its influence (see Luke 13:21;Matthew 13:33; see also 1 Corinthians 5:6–8). His followers cannot do that if they associate only with those who share their beliefs and practices. But the Savior also taught that if we love Him, we will keep His commandments (see John 14:15).

II.

The gospel has many teachings about keeping the commandments while living among people with different beliefs and practices. The teachings about contention are central. When the resurrected Christ found the Nephites disputing over the manner of baptism, He gave clear directions on how this ordinance should be performed. Then He taught this great principle:

“There shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.

“For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

“Behold, this is … my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (3 Nephi 11:28–30; emphasis added).

The Savior did not limit His warning against contention to those who were not keeping the commandment about baptism. He forbade contention by anyone. Even those who keep the commandments must not stir up the hearts of men to contend with anger. The “father of contention” is the devil; the Savior is the Prince of Peace.

Similarly, the Bible teaches that “wise men turn away wrath” (Proverbs 29:8). The early Apostles taught that we should “follow after the things [that] make for peace” (Romans 14:19) and “[speak] the truth in love”(Ephesians 4:15), “for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). In modern revelation the Lord commanded that the glad tidings of the restored gospel should be declared “every man to his neighbor, in mildness and in meekness” (D&C 38:41),“with all humility, … reviling not against revilers” (D&C19:30).

III.

Even as we seek to be meek and to avoid contention,we must not compromise or dilute our commitment to the truths we understand. We must not surrender our positions or our values. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the covenants we have made inevitably cast us as combatants in the eternal contest between truth and error. There is no middle ground in that contest.

The Savior showed the way when His adversaries confronted Him with the woman who had been “taken in adultery, in the very act” (John 8:4). When shamed with their own hypocrisy, the accusers withdrew and left Jesus alone with the woman. He treated her with kindness by declining to condemn her at that time. But He also firmly directed her to “sin no more” (John 8:11). Loving-kindness is required, but a follower of Christ—just like the Master—will be firm in the truth.

Read the entire article at: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/loving-others-and-living-with-differences?lang=eng

How My Gay Family Members and Friends Have Changed Me

Jonathan Manwaring    December 5, 2014

When I think of the word nature, I think of the very core, heavenly attributes that we are sent to earth with as sons and daughters of God. I believe that when referring to our natures, we could really be referring to the gifts of the Spirit bestowed upon us “before the world was” (Abraham 3:22). Gifts of the spirit are given to us in this life to bless, uplift, encourage, and strengthen others. “And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God” (D&C 46:16). We are taught that there are some gifts we can pray to have bestowed upon us, some gifts we can work hard to achieve, but other gifts we are just born with. Could it be possible that our gay brothers and sisters aren’t just born with distinct attractions, but are also born with a common, special gift of the Spirit that is intended to bless, strengthen, and influence others? Is it possible that the often soft, nurturing, and gentle nature of those who are gay could be intended to help those of us who are rough, withdrawn, and hardened? What if the special gifts of our gay loved ones could lead us closer to “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ?” (Ephesians 4:13)

I have heard some of my gay friends refer to their “nature” as a curse, a stumbling block, or a struggle. While I do not presume to understand the pain and struggle that can happen to some of those attracted to the same gender, I do understand the beauty that has come into my life from associating with them. I wish to tell them to value this gift, to impart of their goodness and uniqueness to others, and to not “hide their [gift] under a bushel.” I believe the Lord would have them use these gifts in humility, sincere desire, and “real intent” to bless others, as they may feel prompted to do.

Read this article at: http://ldslights.org/gay-family-members-friends-changed/#comment-50000

Appropriately “courageous and bold”

By Ralph C. Hancock · November 10, 2014

To be appropriately “courageous and bold” without being contentious or overbearing will require of us rare qualities of intellect and of character. Readiness to repent and to forgive must accompany all our efforts to see clearly and to reason cogently and courageously.

We must open ourselves to the genuine concerns of others, even when we are inclined to think they are mistaken, and constantly strive to rid ourselves of self-serving motives such as intellectual vanity as we seek to articulate a perspective in which true fellowship in the common pursuit of life-giving truth can prosper.

Read this article at: http://ldsmag.com/meridian-expands-to-engage-scholars-and-thinkers-on-critical-cultural-and-intellectual-issues/