Name withheld
The inspiring account of Hannah in the Old Testament depicts the travails of one temporarily deprived of normal family relationships by her inability to bear a child. Mocked by her husband’s other wife “because the Lord had shut up her womb,” Hannah “was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the Lord, and wept sore” (1Sam. 1:6, 10). The footnote to this scripture explains that the phrase “bitterness of soul” means not anger or cynicism but sadness and grief.
For those of us facing this challenge, the only way to live a life of righteousness is to delay or go without something for which most human hearts hunger: the kind of partnership and completeness that is found in a marriage relationship. In the moments of searing loneliness this reality brings, I find compensating companionship in the enveloping arms of the Savior and His Atonement. During such times, the Savior’s words “My grace is sufficient for thee” (2 Cor. 12:9) take on a profound new meaning.
It is a distressing duality to yearn to follow Christ andHis teachings about marriage and family while beingunable to do so because of inharmonious sexualattractions. When I despair I take comfort from whatthe Lord promises in Doctrine and Covenants 58:2–3[D&C 58:2–3]:
“Blessed is he that keepeth my commandments,whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful intribulation, the reward of the same is greater in thekingdom of heaven.
“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for thepresent time, the design of your God concerning thosethings which shall come hereafter, and the glory whichshall follow after much tribulation.”
Here I hope to explain through my experience thechallenges and needs of many of the Church membersenduring same-sex attraction, that perhaps increasedunderstanding and compassion from friends, family,and Church members will be a sustaining bulwark inour defenses against giving in to temptation.
The Choice Is in the Response, Not in the Temptation
It is not often that Saints with same-sex attraction make their challenge known to others. For me, this struggle is one only the Lord, my bishop, and a few close and understanding friends need to know.
However, at times family and ward or branch members will discern that one harbors these attractions. If other share such perceptions of me, I am grateful that in my Church associations I have never experienced jokes and gossip that make light of a struggle where a soul’s destiny hangs in the balance. As Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has stated, “Persons… struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of Church members.” 1
Ours is often a hidden conflict for fear of being seen as“deviants” who have chosen these attractions. For most Latter-day Saints who struggle with this challenge, nothing could be further from the truth. As one author has written: “Why would someone who has a strong conviction of the divine origins of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints choose to engage in a wrenching conflict with that testimony … ? Same-sex desires create a very difficult challenge for Church members and are seldom chosen. The trial befalls even the valiant ones.” 2 Our choice is in deciding whether to defy or succumb to temptation, not in whether to have the temptation itself.
Conversely, the doctrine of agency contradicts worldly attempts to justify homosexual behavior because of supposed biological or physiological causes. Elder Oaks said: “Once we have reached the age or condition of accountability, the claim ‘I was born that way’ does not excuse actions or thoughts that fail to conform to the commandments of God. We need to learn how to live so that a weakness that is mortal will not prevent us from achieving the goal that is eternal.” 3
Read the entire article at: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2004/09/compassion-for-those-who-struggle?lang=eng
